Missing her

The girl is going to be gone for another week and a half.
I can't help but worry. I'm happy for her that she is visiting the East Coast friends and family, but I want her home. I'm ready to knuckle down and get some academics going for the new year.

Who am I kidding? I miss the kid. It's that simple.

Holidays

My girl is on a plane early in the morning to spend Christmas with her dad. 

I'm glad she's getting to go, but I'll be happier when she gets back. 

I worry about what could happen when she's gone, even though I know she's much stronger than she was, and she knows she can call me at any time if there's an issue. 

I still hate when she's gone. 

At 15, she is still my light in the darkness of the world. 

Perception

It's funny, really, to think about how perceptions change over time.

Today I told an online friend that he's amazing, and his response was how much of a compliment it was coming from someone of my character. 

It made me laugh at first, and then think about what that really means.

My "character" has not always gotten that reaction. 

As a younger woman, I advocated the idea that a woman can do what she chooses with her body. I did whatever I wanted, with whomever I wanted, with no regrets about it.

One guy described me as fierce, and a woman I was with called me a force of nature.  I saw myself as a sexual creature, and that came across loud and clear to the rest of the world.

Consequently, like any woman who is free, I was called slut, whore, skank, and various other creative things that primarily denote immoral and unacceptable behavior. 

I didn't care. I am the only one who owns me.  

I realize now that it was about control - of my life, and of my body. 

I can't remember the names if every partner I've had. 

When people comment on my character I always want to say "if only you knew how I spent my 20s".