Cars

The girl's best friend got her driver's license and a car. 

Watching my first born drive away for the first time, with her friend at the wheel was harder than I thought it would be. 

I don't think I'm ready for this.

A step back

The girl has recently had a small reversal.
I found some scratches on her arms. Initially when I asked, she said she didn't know what they were from.
Then she admitted that she had done them with a pin. And that she's not taking her meds.
Holy crap. More stuff for the therapist.

I asked the homeschooling group for help getting her involved, and a couple of moms of teens have offered to meet up separately. So glad I live here. We meet one family tomorrow. The other family, we will probably get together with next week. I'm as glad to meet other moms as she is to meet other teens.

My hope is that making some new friends will help alleviate her loneliness. I think that is a factor in her slipping back into bad habits.

This scares the hell out of me. I just have to keep her moving forward, and she'll be ok.
She has to be.

Update on the girl

The girl is doing really well. She's thinking about doing her last couple of years of high school in one year, so she has the option of starting college in the fall of next year.
We haven't had any incidents of cutting in many months, and now that she's back on her meds the depression has been a lot better too.
She back to writing songs, and wants to start taking guitar lessons again.
She's actually joined a snake club, and she's going to play hockey this year.
She's covered the walls of her room with positive, inspirational quotes.
I'm really happy with the progress she's made.

Lonely Girl

My girl is lonely.
We've talked about clubs. We've looked into lgbt groups. We've discussed a homeschooling group.
We get as far as talking about returning to public school, and then we hit a brick wall.
Our next meeting with the therapist will be focused on creating a plan to overcome her fear of people, and discussing anti-anxiety options.
I remember feeling lonely as a kid, not knowing how or where to make friends. And I went to public school.

Playing

The little playing with Anya, our 10 month old Great Pyrenees.

Childhood Shouldn't Suck

I hear people say all the time "I survived childhood, my kid will too".

Or "being a kid sucks".

Frankly, my childhood did suck. But I don't think childhood has to suck!

Things that suck about being a kid :

School

Bullies

Lack of control of your life

Difficult family situations

School is designed to teach kids to conform. Some actual education may happen along the way, but it isn't the primary function. School is about raising your hand, fitting in, and being obedient. If you're different or weird, you get bullied, sometimes by adults. Personal learning styles are not taken into account, and if your family is dysfunctional, you're basically screwed.

So I homeschool. I allow my kids to learn however they learn best, in a safe environment. I let them have input in their education. We can cover the material as fast or slow as necessary. And they know that no matter what happens, they can come to me. Even if it's bad or scary. I listen to them, take them seriously, and love them without strings. I spend my days with them, and don't look forward to "back to school". The world is our school, and we take breaks when we need them, not because a calendar says so. 

I can accept that this life isn't for everyone, but my family thrives in it.

So I'll continue to homeschool.

Friends

This is Sadie.
Sadie saved our girl. When she came home covered in scars, and couldn't connect with people, this dog made a connection with her.
Sadie is having surgery tomorrow. She has a mass on her spleen, and needs to have it removed.
We love this dog, but even more, I'm terrified what will happen to my girl if this dog doesn't come through this.




Update: Sadie had her spleen removed on Wednesday. By Saturday she was so weak she could barely lift her head, and struggled for every breath. On Sunday, we made the difficult decision to euthanize her, so as not to prolong her struggle. The whole family went, and my girl held her in her lap while Sadie breathed her last.
We loved her greatly, and miss her very much.